Beauty
In my year of unearthing joy, I’ve discovered how joy is always in sync with beauty. They go together with interlocking fingers.
I was flipping through my journals from this year – the place where I write my thoughts, prayers, longings, fears, where I copy Scripture that spoke to my heart in a given moment, and moments in time I never want to forget. So many of the memories I wrote down were from time spent outdoors with my littles or observing the beauty of the outdoors while in the comfort of my home.
January 16, 2027 sitting by candlelight in the early morning, snow falling, water boiling, me praying, A (my husband) brewing coffee, kids asleep, heat on, snow-covered trees. except they are in God’s care, as am I.
January 23, 2027 another morning – early & illumined by candlelight. LORD, Light of my life.
April 23, 2027 this morning Alexander led us in a devotional about love & read verses, one was, “His love endures forever.” so naturally he played the 90’s song. Our kids started dancing & singing along. Next we played Trust and Obey, to which we did the motions Finley taught us. The last song, Lord We Lift Your Name on High; it was truly a classic 90’s morning, all 3 kids held hands and danced in a circle together. They all were so happy, and each of them, at their own time, looked at me with a big grin. I hope I never forget their sweet faces. Tears started to well up.
Later this morning, me, Finley & Monet went for a walk. Finley was on his bike & I was pushing Mo in the strolling. The light was glittering through the trees, we were listening to morning doves coo, a warm breeze rattled the leaves and I thought: I have such a good life. And I did nothing to deserve it. And I began praising God.
My mouth grew wide, eyes squinted, wrinkles etched into my lower cheeks as I read and recalled these moments. Because I wrote these down I remembered living the memories themselves and I also remembered the delight in writing it all down. Different parts of my brain lighting up at once as I experienced, wrote, recalled, remembered. Beauty, Joy, Pleasantness.
Biblical joy is permanent, even amidst suffering. It is rooted in grace, it comes from abiding in Jesus – he was, indeed, the most joyful man to ever walk this earth.
Joy is of divine origin. Which means beauty is too. How do we know something is beautiful unless we perceive something else as un-beautiful? The link here is sorrow. Joy, beauty and sorrow are always woven together, you simply cannot have one without the others. C.S Lewis, who I will mention in another section of this post, explained how we cannot know a straight line unless we also have observed something as crooked, this was ultimately how he became a Christian, a believer in the good, the beautiful and true and holy.
The word Joy can mean a few different things depending on where it is found in the Bible based on the context and language it was originally written in. The joy I experienced from these events and even the memories themselves are most accurately described as chara. Chara, one of the words for joy in Greek, is a deep gladness, abiding contentment and spiritual strength because of God’s grace. It is listed as one of the fruits of the Spirit and is used to describe the joy one experiences when in the presence of Christ. Ah, the presence of the One who created us to rejoice in His created world. We know something is beautiful because He created us with a longing for beauty itself.
In my year of unearthing joy, I now recognize I was striving to find the beauty God planned for my life since the beginning of time. Beauty was part of God’s original plan and design for this earth and every breathing thing he filled it with. And despite how broken our world has become, how gracious of God to still allow us to unearth the beauty and experience the joy we get from finding it.
Books
C.S Lewis’ Surprised by Joy is an autobiography of sorts because Lewis himself wrote it but he claims it’s not in true autobiographical form hence it must not be seen as an autobiography. In this book the reader sees a different personality and wit from Lewis that, at least I, haven’t noticed in other works written by him. Lewis himself says the purpose of the book is to share how he went from Atheism to Christianity by speaking of what he calls “joy.” To Lewis, joy is something of “incalculable importance,” and because it is less of a feeling and rather an experience or longing, it is something that once you’ve experienced it you will want it again because of its supernatural characteristics.
In the book, Lewis describes different times in his life that were mostly difficult, losing his mother at a young age, being sent to boarding school, seasons of deep loneliness, and being bullied by adults and children alike. He explains the camaraderie between his brother and him and the different worlds and stories they created as children, those gave way to how Narnia was created, although Lewis declares his created animal world has nothing to do with Narnia (again, his wit and sarcasm). It was an interesting read because the reader sees how Lewis grew to have the curious and creative mind he lived into and how God was pursuing him since he was young.
One of the thoughts that stuck with me after reading this book was the fact that C.S Lewis lost his mother when he was eight. Eight! My oldest is almost that age, I cannot bare the thought of her being alone in this world without the care of a mother. I’ve been finding myself praying, ”Lord, no. Please don’t allow that to be the story for my kids…I’ve worked too hard to encircle my life around Your Word, to protect them and simply be with them … but I know it isn’t about me…or them. But Lord bless them.” My heart aches thinking of this as a possibility, but reading stories like Lewis’ embolden my faith more knowing that either way, whether I live for 60 more years or leave tomorrow, my children would be blessed. And God is always so so good.
Surprised by Joy is a good read if you’re wanting an inside peek into the mind and life of one of the greatest writers, you will laugh out loud, perhaps cry and your faith will be enriched.
Childhood
There are certain things I believe I’m behind in. Certain novels that I’m reading to my kids, I wish I could have read them long ago. But what if, to ponder and flirt with the if, I’m meant to read them now. As if I need these heroic stories now. Not that I couldn’t use them then (as a child, when I was single or married and still without children), but to have the opportunity now to encounter these stories alongside my children with the same awe and wonder they possess, is just as good and life-shaping. Novels, like the Chronicles of Narnia series, have enriched my inner dialogue, my writing process, how I teach my kids, think about God, the narrative and purpose of my life.
Prior to reading them I came to the conclusion that life is beautiful, although it’s hard. The hard was not actually part of God’s initial plan but in His grace we still have Goodness and Beauty. So there is a truth I settled on even before this enrichment of classic novels. Although I have come to know certain things about life to be true, now reading these stories I see how true my conclusions actually are. Stories capture what we were created to do, who we are, who God is and the truth about the limits he placed on humans and this world.
The familiar encouragement to “become like little children” could also be said, ‘to come into existence’ or ‘begin to be’ and it signifies a change in not only demeanor, but seems to reveal a change of heart and soul and mind, a reborn state of our inner being. Jesus himself changed His outer world to come as a baby – humble, helpless, needy. But He never forgot where He initially came from – divine, perfect unity with God, God Himself. Remembering where one comes from is part of true humility. Although Jesus didn’t have to change His inner being (and He can’t, He’s God), we have the opportunity to be changed, if we allow Jesus to do the work in us. And if we remember where we came from – dust, created (not Creator), as naked babies – we’re truly in the perfect position for God to show us His beauty and do wonders with our humbly surrendered life.
And isn’t humble surrender part of every great story ever written? One dies for their love for others, the prince sacrifices himself to save the princess. We see this in the characters of Aslan, Romeo and Juliet, Harry Potter’s parents, Gandalf, and even Anna from Frozen. Our hearts and emotions are deeply moved by the humility of these characters, that they possess such a brave and noble desire to sacrifice everything for the sake of someone else, who often doesn’t deserve it. These characters have this knowledge that most of us don’t linger on – that they were created within limits (limiting strength, limited time, their days are numbered), the purpose of their life is for loving others well and ultimately, sometimes in a split second decision, they give away all they possess (their future, their knowledge, giftings, longings) to die at someone else’s disposal. Have you ever asked yourself why these characters implore us to think differently? Or why the scenes when their life ends make our hearts droop and our minds whisper no.
It’s because this is our story. We, including our children, are part of this grand story written by Someone holy and divine.
And we get to teach our children this story too, this grand, beautiful story they get to be part of. I’ve grown into the idea that I am part of this larger story, that God is literally reading my story aloud and I’m simply walking in His goodness. And the hero stories and fairy stories and classics just make this reality seem even more true.
In learning about joy, beauty, sorrow, God’s goodness and then sharing what I learn through words, I’ve come across some profound authors and works of art. Sarah Clarkson, whom I’ve mentioned before on these posts, says this, “I love this [‘re-imagination’]. It’s why I love literature that participates in this task, art and music that kindle our capacity to imagine a goodness we haven’t fully yet known…beause I believe we’re called to this ‘radical re-imagination’ in the quotidian corners of our lives. We don’t just look at the world ‘out there’ with that newly kindled imagination, we look at our own lives: how may I radically re-imagine my home, my table, my community, my marriage, my deepest need and grief as the site of God’s arriving plenitude?” To further her thoughts, as in adding my own words onto hers, we can only re-imagine because there was something first that was real, flesh, having substance, but it wasn’t full of goodness, it perhaps was left dull or broken, just like us and our world. And yet, we are called to bring beauty and re-imagine what life could be like if the fall of humanity when sin entered the world didn’t actually happen. But because it happened we have this high calling to create (or re-create) beauty in a place that is in desperate need of a re-imagined world.
We see this in heroic stories, in fairy stories, love stories, in short stories and adventurous stories. Usually there is one character who makes a life sacrifice or defeats evil or slays the dragon for the sake of the one he loves, the evil stepmother does not win, ever. But goodness and beauty do always win and take over the darkness that so longed lived over the land and blinded the people in the narrative.
And these are the stories I read to my kids, they bring tears to our eyes, they make us more sturdy, they enlighten our hearts to Christ defeating death for our sake out of His grand love for us. And as we read these stories together I tend to ask them, “Now which character would you most want to be?” And they always say the one who was saved and swept away by a prince or the one who saved a people on behalf of love and peace. These stories were written because it’s OUR story, so in my wishing I read these when I was young there is actually this eternal longing for a Savior who could save me out of my doom and darkness because I, too, need hope and long for light. But the good news is that the Gospel is real and there is a Savior who did already come, who already defeated death and who is promised to come back to defeat evil for good. Inside us all is a narrative of a grand story we are actually living within. And I’m choosing to believe I’m reading these hero stories and classics to my kids at the perfect time so we can fight darkness and evil together by creating goodness and beauty in the spaces God currently has us – in our home, in the amazing school we love to be at and serve within, in our church community, while coaching young kids in soccer and befriending an elderly neighbor.
If my faith needs to be like a child to enter Your Kingdom, Lord, then please, allow me to fall in love with these stories at any and every age so I know You more through them until I see You face to face.
Shabbat
Oh if I’m honest our weekly Sabbaths have been less restful and more playful, our season of life swiftly changed on us this autumn, but I’m learning to endure it and almost grasp it to not let go, that is until the next change of seasons which happens so often with young children.
I was voicetexting a friend several weeks ago and said, “It’s the Sabbath, and I’m on my phone voicetexting you right now and running out to get farm milk and eggs…I’m so glad I am not under the Law.” And rightly so. There are times when I feel as if I would do better under the Law, as in, “give me a rule and I’ll follow it, Lord.” But what I’m learning, and the Lord has graciously allowed me to learn it because of the Sabbath, is just how much freedom we have because we’re under the blood of Christ compared to under the Law. Perhaps I would do better if I had the Law, but to what extent or, taking another step back, by whose measure would I do “better?” Probably my own.
So yes, lately I’ve been picking up our weekly farm order on Sundays (which is still our weekly Sabbath) and I’m allowing Jesus to reshape my view of a day of rest and worship from naps and no phones to praising Him for the cow and chicken who are feeding my family.
But, despite my joking, Sabbath truly is a day to rest, to worship, to delight and remember. God created the Sabbath for us, in His goodness and deep understanding of our troubled, weary hearts. I will leave you with this quote from Sarah Clarkson, as if I haven’t quoted her enough, “And I remembered, day by day, why rest is something woven into the very rhythm of creation by its Maker. Rest reminds me that I am not the source of my own flourishing. It strips away my defenses and reveals the fears I have not faced, the needs I have not met. I always unravel a little the first few days away; anxiety and head colds that gradually heal. Rest draws me into a broad, spacious quiet in which I know myself held, may look with freshened eyes upon my frailty, my blessedness. Rest returns me to a vision of the world in which I can perceive the way that ordinary days land like a gem in my hand. I come home, as if I had been an exile, to joy in the small and even the necessary things.”
