I have heard parents speak about home as a place of fun, adventure, ease or bliss before their kids get a taste of “the real world,” and although home can be those things – a place of delight and a place to unravel after a long day – home is so much more.
When I think back to what I once envisioned for my own home, this was pre-kids, maybe even before marriage, I could close my eyes and imagine a set time in my future life where my kids ranged between ages 4 and 14, there was light in the home, lots of newness and laughter, background music and story-telling, handholding and snuggles on the couch and rocking little ones to bed, teeny hands needing to be kissed and patience as I listened to an older child share a personal heartache. I could envision it, so much so that it truly seemed real. And although I didn’t envision the heaps of diapers or messy toddler years, and I never knew how tired I would be as a young mother, my vision for what was ahead helped me prepare, in my heart and in my home.
And I’m not the only mother who stores things like these in her heart. Mary, the mother of Jesus, was said to treasure things spoken about Jesus and words that he said as well, and “pondered them in her heart.” Another version says she gave “careful thought” or held “them dear, deep within herself.” Read these stories for yourself to be encouraged by what this other amazing mother treasured and pondered about her own child, you can find them in Luke 2:19 and 5:51.
When I did eventually get married and started having babies, the pondering didn’t stop and along with my pondering I would pray, and still do pray, specific words over my husband and children and home. Some of my prayers come from Psalms 127 and 128:
Unless the Lord builds the house,
the builders labor in vain.
Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
within your house;
your children will be like olive shoots
around your table.
Yes, this will be the blessing
for the man who fears the Lord.
(from Psalm 127:1, 3-5a; 128: 3-4)
One of the most wild things is how God not only hears these prayers but He answers them and chooses to bless us out of His grand love. I am continuing to see the fruit of my pondering and prayers for our life and home.
As we were preparing to buy our current home, I was praying about it and surrendering it to the Lord. And as I was praying I envisioned a young girl with blonde hair dancing in the kitchen near a window shining bright with sunshine, she was twirling as if to a song. It was at that moment that I knew we would get the house – the vision felt so real, so beautiful that it had to be true. And less than an hour later my husband got a call that we got the house! And a few years into living in our home I looked across the kitchen and saw our daughter with her soft bouncy blonde curls twirling near a southwest facing window with the bright afternoon sunlight encircling around her. This sight grasped my heart, the vision. This was it, she was the girl, she’s my girl in my home. It was that initial vision that formed my prayers; it was the preparation of being diligent with our finances, prayerful in our next steps, that led us to this home, the fruit of our work and experience we once dreamt of.
What do you envision for your home? Write down 5 words you once desired your home to be or still desire for it to be. Does your list match up with your current lifestyle, daily habits, choices and endeavors? If not, begin to ponder and ask yourself: what if God has more for my home, for my marriage, children and legacy I will leave? What steps could you take to surrender these to the Lord? Perhaps you could write down your words, pray over them every morning and make note of how God reveals His goodness to you and answers your prayers. Psalm 37:4 says, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” You can be expectant for His goodness.
The same daughter from my vision is now at the age of asking deep life questions and is storing up her own ponderings in her own heart. We were cozy on my bed one night, tears streaming down her face. I listened to her fears and questions, and we got to a place where tears were dry. I decided to open to the last page of a chapter in the book Well-Lived written by Sally Clarkson, where she was describing how we, as mamas, are queens of our castles (our homes). We are to rule in our homes with grace and gentleness and we all have beautiful stories for our lives because we are life-givers and beauty-bringers. I began to instill vision in my daughters heart and mind for the great things God already has planned for her to do. Her eyes grew wide as if she saw a miracle – wow, is that really true? must have been the words rolling through her heart and mind. “I can’t wait to see what those things are,” I said with a twinkle of a tear in my eye. My daughter beamed and looked satisfied with what she heard but I could tell she was expectant, like the craving of joy C.S Lewis explains in his book Surprised by Joy, that joy is a longing of the supernatural and of “incalculable importance.”
Our homes truly are a place of preparation: to be a roommate, a spouse, future schooling, for a job, responsibility of a car, phone or something else, perhaps being a missionary or a mother or father some day. And this preparation is less of a boot camp, but it isn’t just ease and amusing either. It is true we are preparing them for hard things: relationship differences, working for a harsh or unfair boss, disappointments, failures, financial maturity. But the real preparation is only seen by God because He is the only One who sees into one’s heart. We are ultimately preparing our children for eternity, in an eternal Kingdom with the true King. We are preparing them for when they make the choice to allow Jesus to rule in their heart which will shape the decisions they make, the habits they create, the jobs they take, who they marry, how they will parent and spend their money.
The “real world” will always be there, our kids need to know how best to approach it, they need armor and a defensive weapon – our homes are the perfect place to try on the “armor of God” and learn how to use their sword (Scripture) wisely. Is your home and life orchestrated with the means to help your children be the beautiful warriors they were created to be?
Now I don’t actually know if there is anything that can fully prepare you enough to become a husband and wife and a father or mother, but I think that’s how God designed it to be. There are some things in life we need to experience in order to gain wisdom and skills to live out – marriage and motherhood must be some of those. And I say this not because of the difficulty or strain they bring to your life, but because of the love you never once had for another human being until you say “I do” or hold them naked and helpless in your arms. You never knew how hard you could work until you’re endlessly tired from nursing throughout the night and somehow still have more to give the next morning.
In these seasons we ourselves still need to place the armor of God on us every morning (and perhaps sleep in it for when fear and lies seep in with the darkness of the night). I still need to wear my armor, and it’s great because I can show my kids how I use it and fight off the enemy while I’m going about my day living out the answered prayers and plans God has for my life, and in the waiting and longing for answers.
If you’re about to be married, or pregnant with your first, or you’re about to adopt your first sweet baby, I’m sure you’re feeling all the new feelings and having some doubts. God will help you, He will prepare you. He is preparing and equipping all of us when we go to Him, trust in Him and allow His supernatural power to rule in our hearts. The best place for this to happen is…home.
