Years ago, when my first child was beginning to experience the big toddler-sized emotions, I also began experiencing larger emotions. It seemed as if we both were learning how to practice gentleness and self-control, both of which are fruits of the Spirit. When she first began expressing these emotions, I could feel my blood pressure rising and heart beating faster, and all I wanted to do was control her. That was until my heart and mindset took a shift.
Instead of wanting to control her, which created a fear of feeling out of control, God gave me the desire to understand her. Instead of reacting out of anger or matching her tone and pitch, I would take a breath, draw her close to my heart and remind her who she is.
I knew my sweet toddler was a daughter of the King, so I reminded her of it. I knew she was created to be loving and speak with kind words, so I would teach her that is what she was created to do. I began to unveil her identity instead of reacting towards her sin.
I have continued this practice with all three of my young kids. And whenever I do, my heart attitude changes toward them and their reception of my words says what words cannot express, they often melt in my arms and there’s instant connection.
I will say, this does not necessarily mean a consequence is taken away, but when my heart is softened towards the little boy or girl God gave me to shepherd, great things happen.
Here’s an example, fill in the blanks with your kids’ name(s) and you can always change the attributes and add more:
______ (name), you are a man of God. That means you are loving and gentle, you are a warrior for God’s Kingdom, meaning you fight for things that are good, true and beautiful.
_____ (name), you are a daughter of the King. Which means you are loving and kind, you are fierce and yet pure.
When I get down on one knee and gently ask my kids, “hey, who are you?” They know how to respond, they already know Whose they are, my job is to help lift the veil.