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The older I become the less time I want to waste o

The older I become the less time I want to waste on trivial pursuits and the more I want to spend my days getting lost reading books with both my babies snuggled around me. The more I want to focus my energy on nourishing my body. The more I want to fiercely protect my family and our home and our time. The harder I want to work for my family’s freedom. The less I want to speak and instead choose to listen to the hurt and needs of others and have the margin to open my hands instead of resisting the urge to help and place myself first.

The older I become the less I want to curate the perfect home and instead feel peace when dirty dishes are in the sink when guests walk in my door. I want less post-worthy days and more real and relatable days. I want my babies, in the decades to come, to sift through photos of me in the garden digging in the dirt, in the kitchen dancing to my favorite song or see a photo of our wedding, the smiles and way we lit each other’s eyes up, and know we still have the same deep lust and playfulness in our marriage. I want my babies to remember me inviting them to help me cook dinner instead of shooing them away. The greatest, most gentle man did indeed say, “let the children come.” I want my babies to remember me rolling on the ground with them, laughing and tickling, and not looking at the clock ticking. Because it is ticking, ever so rhythmically.

And not only do I want my babies to remember me with them, I, too, want to remember the days of them falling asleep holding my hand, rocking them in the same rocking chair that Alexander’s mom rocked her own babies in. I want to remember the way Liliana mispronounces her name and how Finley went straight from scooting to running within a week. We always *always* think we’ll remember everything and then, just like that, someone reminds us of something our kids did and we’re brought back to the joy and moments that seem far off and faded.

As I’m typing all this out the words that keep ringing in my mind and heart are: Be present.

My word for 2022 is Pilgrimage. Throughout this past year, I *surprisingly* continued to relearn

*cont. in comments

my Sabbath song. i love the last words: You turn

my Sabbath song.

i love the last words: You turn graves into gardens, You turn bones into armies, You turn seas into highways, You’re the only one who can.

To our family, Sabbath truly is the day we crave towards the end of our week. We’re eager for rest & celebration. And it’s the day we continue to benefit from days after. The rest just seems to linger in our hearts & our home.

for most of my life i would pride myself as being

for most of my life i would pride myself as being a compartmentalizer & striving perfectionist, anyone relate?

i was the bestttt at putting boxes throughout & around my days, my schedule, my to do lists, everything. and i also thought “if i can perfect this, then i’ll be content & fulfilled.”

what lies.

it wasn’t until starting my own business & becoming a mom where the lines & boundaries became crossed. my titles, my lists, my schedule started to blend all together.

to me, being an entrepreneur & a mother at the same time just makes sense. and i believe i can truly do it all. now that doesn’t mean that i spend 50% of my time building a business & the other 50% with my family. it’s a blend. it’s believing i can have both & do both very well. it looks different each day. yesterday it looked like listening to call in a business group i’m part of while feeding my sourdough starter while filling oil bottles for a mama friend while tending to my children pulling at my leg. if that sounds chaotic to you it might be because you aren’t a parent yet, but it also might be because you are still an awesome compartmentalizer & striving perfectionist. both don’t actually exist. even if every fiber in your being tells you they do. neither does a work-life balance. that’s old news. a work-life blend is where it’s at. it’s where i’m rooted. it’s where you’ll find me, fulfilled & happy & thriving.

i think we’ve found ourselves a new tradition 🍂

last October, while Finn was still in my tummy, Liliana and i had a fall photoshoot in our front yard. those pictures ended up being the last ones we took of just “us” because Finley was born the next day. i treasured those photos & wanted to recreate them on his birthday 🥹 my sweet babies!

keep swiping for last years photoshoot. sweet L was so little 😭

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